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Peace came to Michael Shackelford last year inside a psychiatric ward. He was 16 and his mother had just canada goose outlet las vegas discovered his relationship with another young man. Feeling alone and frightened, and unable to imagine his future as a canada goose outlet los angeles gay teenager in rural Oklahoma, Michael bought 10 packets of ephedrine laced canada goose outlet england powder from the mini mart and swallowed them all, which is how he landed at Laureate Psychiatric Clinic and Hospital, his belt and shoelaces confiscated.

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canada goose coats Now a year later, his initial anguish of awakening to his sexuality has eased. He is making his first bumbling, fumbling attempts at human connection. With a girl, it would be simple. “You just go up to her,” Michael says, shrugging. In this new and unknown territory, he canada goose outlet belgium has no clue what canada goose jacket outlet uk to canada goose outlet usa do or say. Every canada goose outlet houston calculation is accompanied by a risk: “I could get the crap beat out of me.” canada goose coats

One night at the mall he sees a clerk at Abercrombie canada goose outlet orlando Fitch who he thinks canada goose outlet store calgary might be gay. Heart pounding, Michael decides to go for it.

He asks the clerk: Are you fruity?

The answer is no.

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At the gay teenage dance club in canada goose factory outlet toronto location Tulsa, Michael watches the female impersonators, translucent and fearless. “They just seem so confident,” he says. Needing some confidence of his own, he begins wearing a light foundation to cover his acne. He gives up chili cheese fries for Slim Fast bars. One night he canada goose outlet in new york visits his mom at the barbecue restaurant where she works. “Good Lord!” she says, noticing that her son who used to wear work boots and plaid shirts now has makeup at his jaw line. Michael explains to her that he doesn’t want to canada goose outlet london uk be a woman; he just wants to experience physical perfection.

canada goose coats on sale A month after leaving the high school hallways that felt so hostile, it canada goose outlet boston is February and Michael is studying for his GED and working full time at the pet store. His cell phone allows contact with the outside world. His fleeting friendship with Victor ended with a text message and now there is an olive skinned male cheerleader at a high school in the nearby town of Mannford. canada goose coats on sale

buy canada goose jacket cheap “He said the one thing that makes him melt is nice teeth,” says Michael, who figures spending $40 on teeth whitening products at Wal Mart is an investment in love. When the cheerleader invites Michael to watch him cheer at a basketball game, Michael hurries home from work and showers. Standing in front of the mirror, he applies concealer canada goose outlet nyc to his face. Then he can’t resist. He rustles around in his mom’s drawer and finds a tube of pink lip gloss. His pale blue canada goose outlet eyes shimmer like glass stones set in a creamy canada goose outlet mississauga canvas. buy canada goose jacket cheap

canada goose clearance sale Male butterflies are rare in Sand Springs, and rarer still if they drive trucks with dual chrome exhaust pipes. But off Michael flutters, into the darkness, to the one stoplight town of Mannford, where hundreds of cars are parked outside the high school gym. Getting out of his truck in the cold, Michael can canada goose jacket outlet store hear the buzzer and whistles. As he walks canada goose outlet new york city toward the open gym door he can see the crowd: the feed caps, goatees, football hunks with floppy bangs and girls in denim jackets. canada goose clearance sale

Michael hesitates. He thinks back to canada goose outlet miami a few days earlier at the car wash, where he ran into his harasser from high school canada goose outlet in vancouver gym class and heard the words “There’s that pretty little faggot.”

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Janice Shackelford worries about Michael’s eternal salvation, but the truth is, she’s embarrassed to have a gay son. She imagines the small town speculations of those who might wonder where she went wrong as a mother. Janice canada goose outlet online uk grew up in Sand Springs but has told only two friends about Michael. She thinks her secret is contained until her pastor approaches her one Sunday before church. “Now, Janice,” she recalls the pastor canada goose outlet store near me gently saying. “I’m going to talk about something this morning and I want you to know that it’s not directed at you.” He preaches against homosexuality and same sex marriage. canada goose outlet seattle Janice sits through it, wondering how many others know.

cheap Canada Goose She is in her own closet. A teacher at Michael’s old high school suggests Janice find a meeting of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). But Janice believes going would send the wrong signal to Michael that she’s condoning his behavior. She also knows that it would be a final admission of a truth she’s not ready to accept. She wishes the subject would go away, an improbable hope for anyone living in 2004 America. The week that the mayor of San Francisco allows gays to marry at City Hall, Janice keeps her distance from the TV at work to avoid being drawn into any discussions. The only place she feels safe is in her Oldsmobile Cutlass with the radio set to country music. These are the values that matter to her. Driving past the oil derricks and the church marquees with their black lettered messages, Janice lets the music restore her. cheap Canada Goose

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But just as Michael couldn’t stay in the psychiatric unit forever, Janice can’t hide in the isolation of her Oldsmobile. During the presidential primary season, the TV at work is tuned to the debates, and Janice feels herself tensing as the candidates are asked to state their positions on same sex marriage. A co worker weighs in, definitely against. Janice agrees, but without much conviction. At home later she tells canada goose outlet eu Michael, “It’s almost as if I can’t stand strong for what I used to stand for.”.